The news of someone we know having cancer, whether or not he is a family, a friend or just a mere acquaintance, can be pretty devastating. Actually, just the mention of the C-word already gives many people immediate goose bumps. But notwithstanding all this, acting instinctively the way we usually do upon knowledge of a sick loved one, we still manage to extend our support and sympathies to the ill person.
We have always known that more than ever, an ailing person needs extra tender loving care, in order for him to get better. So, we offer to do things for him and his family like errands; we give words of comfort and assurance; and we give hugs and kisses. These are the things we know and we feel that we should do for and toward a patient.
What we do not know, however, is what a person sick with cancer is really going through and what he is actually thinking and feeling when things are being said and done to him, unless of course, he lets us know. In this case, we must be really careful because while we are so much focused on uplifting him, on the ill patient's point of view, we might be causing him to feel more dejection instead.
Here are some examples of what we must avoid doing when dealing with a cancer patient:
First, is being insensitive. We might mean well when we give comments and advices but we must avoid hurtful, thoughtless, presumptuous, negative and unsolicited remarks, opinions, observations and assumptions. Let us avoid consciously or unconsciously blaming the patient for his vices and way of life that we think or feel might have caused his affliction. Not to mention telling him of horrible stories you know or may have heard about other people with cancer!
Second, is being too inquisitive. We must avoid asking inappropriate questions about his illness, how he knew about it, how he felt about knowing it, and what the doctors have to say, etc. Instead, we must wait for the patient to initiate conversations like this. If he does, then we listen. As much as possible, we must keep the patient's mind off his ailment.
Third, is being all-knowing. We must avoid giving false hopes and promises just so to comfort the patient. Being optimistic and having faith is a great thing but the attendant circumstances should also be considered. We must avoid giving the patient exaggerated assurances as if we have a control over the cancer. Most importantly, we must avoid telling the patient that we know how he feels because we will never know really unless we get cancer, too.
Fourth, is being pretentious. We must avoid acting awkwardly around the patient, like not saying anything to him at all. If we are unsure of what to do or say to him, the least we could do is to be honest in admitting it to him and to apologize when necessary.
Last, is being distant. We must not avoid meetings and conversations with the patient and not have time for him at all. He needs our support more than ever.
The bottom line is we must not only sympathize, but we must above all empathize with a cancer patient as well.
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